by Michael Henry & Susannah Margison
In our post-COVID, increasingly remote and digital world, more and more communication is happening without a voice-to-voice or face-to-face element. While digital communication offers convenience, it also introduces some unwelcome challenges. For example:
- Lack of Context: Without body language or tone of voice, messages can be easily misinterpreted.
- Non-Simultaneous Conversations: Delays between messages can fuel misunderstandings. Assumptions often fill the gaps, like interpreting a late response as disinterest or disrespect.
- Keyboard Courage: People tend to be bolder behind a screen, which can lead to unfiltered or harsher responses that they may later regret. In our work as lawyers, we’ve seen this courage come back to haunt people when those text messages and emails are presented as evidence at trial.
Here’s how to navigate these challenges with digital-savvy strategies.
- Pause Before Reacting
In the heat of digital conflict, the impulse to respond instantly is strong, especially when emotions are high. However, taking a moment to pause is crucial. Emotions often dissipate after 90 seconds unless they are reinforced by continued negative thoughts. Pausing allows you to reflect and ask yourself, “Is this response productive? What am I trying to achieve?” Shifting from reacting to resolving can prevent the conflict from escalating further.
- Seek Clarity, Not Assumptions
Misunderstandings are common in digital communication. Instead of assuming negative intent, seek clarity. For example, if a colleague’s email seems abrupt, you could ask, “I want to ensure I understand your concerns—could you clarify?” A mindset of curiosity can prevent small issues from becoming larger conflicts. Assuming good intent until proven otherwise helps defuse tension before it escalates.
- Shift to Real-Time Communication When Necessary
Sometimes, typing just doesn’t cut it. If a conflict is getting emotionally charged or complex, switching to a real-time medium, like a phone call or video chat, can help de-escalate misunderstandings. Hearing tone and observing facial expressions often softens the interaction and provides better clarity than written words alone.
- Mind Your Tone and Language
Tone is tricky in digital communication. What feels neutral to you might come across as dismissive or sarcastic to someone else. To avoid misunderstandings, it’s helpful to get ahead of potential misinterpretations. For example, you could say, “I don’t want to seem dismissive, but I need more time to get the answers you’re looking for.” Avoiding sarcasm and being clear in your language can prevent further conflict.
- Set Clear Expectations for Digital Boundaries
One common source of digital conflict is misaligned expectations—especially regarding response times. In work and personal relationships, people can feel slighted when messages go unanswered. To avoid unnecessary friction, set clear expectations. In a professional setting, establish guidelines around response times and preferred communication methods. In personal relationships, be open about your communication style, such as preferring thoughtful responses over quick ones.
- Acknowledge Emotions and Apologize When Necessary
Even in digital conflict, emotions are real. If your words have caused harm, own it. A sincere apology, even over text or email, can go a long way. Acknowledge the other person’s feelings: “I can see how my message might have come off as abrupt, and I apologize if it upset you.” Validating their emotions helps resolve tension faster than defending yourself.While some people may be concerned that saying “sorry” might be used against them in the event of a lawsuit, some jurisdictions have laws that prevent apologies from being used as admissions of liability in court. The presence and applicability of these laws vary by jurisdiction, so if this is a concern, you may want to check whether your state or province has laws that offer this kind of protection for your specific situation.
- Embrace Resolution, Not Victory
In any conflict, aiming for resolution is more productive than aiming for victory. The goal should be to mend the relationship, not to “win” the argument. By focusing on mutual understanding and compromise, you create space for solutions rather than assigning blame.
Conclusion: Turning Digital Conflict into an Opportunity
While managing conflict online can be tricky, it’s also an opportunity for growth. By pausing, seeking clarity and leading with empathy, you can transform digital disagreements into chances for stronger connections. Learning to navigate conflict in the digital age is essential—why not master it with grace and strategy?
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