One of the first questions we often ask when meeting someone is “What do you do?” This is because, for many people, what they do is synonymous with who they are. It can be an indicator of intellect, values or lifestyle. However, when a job becomes the defining feature of our identity, it can come at a cost.
Background
Professions have long been a key marker of identity. In English-speaking countries such as the UK, Australia, New Zealand, Canada and the United States, the surname Smith remains the most common, originating from trades like blacksmithing, silversmithing, locksmithing and gunsmithing. These names date back to the Middle Ages, when a person’s job was such a defining characteristic that it became their literal identity.
Today, with greater access to education, many people in high-achieving roles—particularly in medicine, law, academia or executive leadership—have spent years building deep expertise in their field. It can feel natural for someone to identify with a role that they have worked towards for so long. Professions are also seen as an indicator of social standing and character traits. For example, a neurosurgeon often comes hand-in-hand with the belief that they are a highly intelligent and high-earning individual.
Defining yourself through your job may not feel like a problem; we can often feel proud to tell people what we do. However, there is a fine line between loving what you do and making it the focal point of your identity.
Enmeshment
When people devote an excessive amount of time and energy to their careers, they can experience a psychological state known as enmeshment. A term originally coined by Salvador Minuchin to describe family dynamics where personal boundaries become blurred and autonomy is compromised. This is due to an overconcern for others and the need for external validation. This concept also applies in a professional context.
The same principle applies when your professional identity begins to overshadow your personal identity, causing the boundaries between work and personal life to blur. This often presents as constantly thinking about work, even when you are away from it, or prioritizing work so heavily that there is little time left for hobbies and personal interests. For example, two in five UK workers check their emails on holiday. High-achieving professionals are particularly vulnerable, driven by societal expectations in today’s competitive job market, which suggests that success requires complete dedication. Achieving success, obtaining a promotion or receiving a bonus can initially feel validating and reassuring, but this in turn creates pressure to work even harder, fueling a cycle where self-worth becomes tied to professional achievement.
Becoming enmeshed in your job ultimately allows it to define you, which can have serious repercussions. When your sense of self is tied to your career, every success or failure directly affects how you view yourself, making even minor setbacks more difficult to overcome. The workplace is volatile, and challenges are inevitable, whether that be redundancies, a recession or missing a deadline. If your identity is entangled with this, these events can feel catastrophic and much harder to overcome, leading to poor mental health or an identity crisis.
Setting Boundaries
To avoid the risks of enmeshment, it is important to build a more balanced identity beyond your career. This means creating clear boundaries between work and personal life, and dedicating time to activities such as hobbies, personal interests and meaningful relationships.
It is natural to take pride in your work and to see it as an important part of who you are. However, it is equally important to invest time in building relationships, pursuing personal interests and recognising that identity is not fixed to a single aspect of life. A diversified and balanced sense of self, where you’re defined by multiple dimensions, creates resilience. When your identity rests on several pillars, you’re far less vulnerable to an identity crisis and the fallout that can occur if one of those pillars collapses.
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