by Jess Spino

When I Was Your Age…”
Everyone knows how this sentence ends—walking seven miles in the snow, barefoot, carrying a backpack full of dictionaries.

It goes without saying that times have changed. Before the 2000s, what happened at school stayed at school. Gossip, bullying and even positive social interactions were limited to in-person exchanges—unless someone in the family wasn’t already on the phone. As a result, interpersonal communication has evolved significantly, making it more important than ever to teach kids how to engage in face-to-face conversations. Here are some strategies to help parents feel confident in fostering meaningful communication—while also strengthening family connections.

Schedule A Consistent Time to Talk
Life can get busy fast, especially as children grow older. Between sports practices, gymnastics, piano lessons, school, work and friends, finding time to connect can be challenging. But whether it’s through a weekly planned activity or simply sitting down for dinner together each night, making connection a priority is essential. When kids know what to expect, it creates a sense of security that makes it easier for them to open up and feel more at ease.

If regular sit-downs aren’t possible, take advantage of transit time. Some of the best conversations happen while traveling to and from activities. Instead of letting your child tune out with an iPad or mindlessly scroll through social media, make drive time tech-free, especially for short commutes.

Model Active Listening and Constructive Behavior
If you want your child to be a good listener, you must model good listening yourself. Maintain eye contact and use nonverbal cues, like nodding, to show engagement. Resist the urge to interrupt or finish their sentences—as children’s brains develop, putting thoughts into words can be challenging. Instead, lead with curiosity by asking clarifying questions and paraphrasing when needed to ensure you fully understand what they are trying to express.

Manage Conflict Constructively
Brené Brown, in her 2019 article Let’s Rumble, describes this type of interaction as “a discussion, conversation or meeting defined by a commitment to lean into vulnerability, stay curious and generous, navigate the messy middle of problem identification and solving, take a break and circle back when necessary, fearlessly own our parts, and, as psychologist Harriet Lerner teaches, listen with the same passion with which we want to be heard.”

To avoid becoming defensive, practice using “I” statements to express your needs and concerns without blame or judgment. Everyone processes emotions differently, so create space for big feelings by allowing your child to articulate what they’re experiencing. If needed, encourage them to step away, process their emotions, and return to the conversation when they’re ready.

The Lasting Impact
In today’s tech-driven world, any parent understands the challenges of effective communication. Whether you’re raising toddlers, grade-schoolers or teens, getting them to slow down and look up from their screens can be a constant struggle. However, the way families connect through conversation has one of the most profound impacts on a child’s development, shaping their identity and understanding of the world around them.